So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
