once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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