So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
