She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
