Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
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To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
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Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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