the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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