where does the pee come out of this thing
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
