do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
