im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
