the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
