Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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