I accidentally burped into my bong.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
