I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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