im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
