The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
