I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
