I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
