did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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