Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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