the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
