I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
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Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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