What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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