I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She tied me up with her honor cords...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
