my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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