I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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