Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
