There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
