Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
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He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
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party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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