I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
