I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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