Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
