when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
