i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
