there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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