so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
