he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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