I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
