i think i have two assholes
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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