just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
