i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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