Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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