oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
