it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Randomize
