I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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