Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
