do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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