Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
