I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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