Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
