Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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