Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
