I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
