One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
