Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
