The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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