When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
