My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
