one might say we're banned from that church
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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