Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
