It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
