i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
