Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
