i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
