No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Still dying that you shit outside
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
