he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
