I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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