my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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