I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
